You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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