I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
