Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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