Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
