so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
