I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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