I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
