he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
