Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
