Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
