ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize