You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
My room smells like vodka and shame
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
