Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
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