What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
