i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
