he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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