I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
