Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Houston, we have a blender
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Randomize
