You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
