he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
