Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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