If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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