Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
