I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
