Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
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