I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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