I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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