when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Randomize
