Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
