Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Redeem this text for a blowjob
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
