dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
