he wants to bone in the snuggie
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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