I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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