You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
