all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize