her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize