I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize