he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I'm like, not good at living.
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