dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
