R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
