saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize