I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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