I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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