Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I am midnight drunk by noon
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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