going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize