what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
