I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
