Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
ugly people sure do ruin things
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
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