Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
