it was like his penis was on wheels.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
