swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
