We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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