Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Randomize
