Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
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