I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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