There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
