I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
