Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
