I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
