Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
