im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize