I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
