it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
