mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
