i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
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