It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
