The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Randomize
