I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
