Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
