She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
