You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
