hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
