Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
