How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
