It's a beautiful day for a hangover
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
