Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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