is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
