Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
