so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Randomize