Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
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