No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize