Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I love you. Go after that dick
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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