And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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