just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Randomize
