So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize