Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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