you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize