Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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