Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I have so many feelings about this burrito
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
