Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
