She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
